Getting drunk is easier

Though, not smarter.

Christmas is just not the same now that I'm divorced.  I share my day with my ex husband (who I can not stand).  From the time the kids get up until 1 in the afternoon, I get to have them.  I get to see the joy on their faces, get to see them play with their toys, get to just have my babies.  When they leave, I feel lost.  This year I went to John's and got to have a little more time with kids around, but then the time came for them to leave too.

Last year I dealt with it by getting drunk.  This year, I cried.  It was easier to get drunk and be silly.  This year the two of us just kind of went about the day like it was just another day.  I cleaned the kitchen, he went out to the wood pile.  Neither of us talked right away.  I was in no condition to talk, or be around others.  I just needed to quietly deal with my feelings.

I was exhausted by bedtime.  Physically from being up late on Christmas Eve, and emotionally.  Maybe next year will be better.  Maybe the sting won't be as hard. 

It doesn't seem to matter what gender you are.  Not having your kids is painful.  Divorce sucks.