"Notable"

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

 

 

For the first time since starting group several months ago, my behavior was "notable".  On the sheet that the therapists keep for every one's files there is a section for how you're acting.  The therapist has two choices.  WNL (within normal limits) or Notable.  They look at your mood, anxiety levels, and how you respond to treatment.  I cried today.  I cried out of frustration, sadness and anger.  Things will change, and in short order.  I just need to get through the next few weeks, then the holidays, then the rest of the school year.

 

I have been frustrated with things lately and it built up and I lost it today.  There are going to be bumps in the road to recovery.  Today was a sinkhole.  It is the season of local politics.  My mom is a local politician.  She's running for her 4th term on the town council.  I lived here the last election, and it wasn't bad.  This time, the people running do little but spew venom.  Often times about my mother.  It is effecting me more than I thought it would.  There are things I can't read, and websites I can't visit anymore.  It is just so disgusting.  It reminds me of walking through the halls of a middle school.  That is the way people are behaving today. 

 

I know that no one other than my therapist, close friends, and family knows how all of this is affecting my life, but I wish I could share it.  People don't think before they talk.  They spew venom at other people, and probably don't lead very happy lives.  I wish that people could see through someone else's eyes how they look.  Even me.  I could stand to look at myself from the outside in from time to time.  I think that we all need checks and balances on how we act towards other people. 

 

My first step is to get to November 8th.  Election day.  Then I need to get through exams.  Then the holidays.  Then the end of the school year.

 

One day at a time.  One step at a time.  "Smile, breathe, and go slowly." Thich Naht Hanh