Nothing

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” -Lao Tzu

Guess what I did today?  That's right.  Nothing. 

Eloise was home sick today.  There is a bug going around daycare that causes a high fever.  Goody.  I'm so glad she caught it. </sarcasm>  It was a long night last night.  She was disoriented, and talking to hallucinations.  Not fun for a mother to see.  Of course, as Murphy would have it, she had to stay home today with only a mild fever.  We spent the day watching movies.  She wasn't happy, because daycare is more fun, and I wasn't happy because I'd rather be working and going to my regularly scheduled therapy session.  I called out of work and changed therapy to this evening.

Today showed me that I really could never just be a stay at home mom or a housewife.  I'm just not happy in those roles.  I would much rather be working, even in a silly job.  I need to get out of the house, I crave adult interactions.  I'm a better mother when I get to have time away.  At least I know now that I need that time away.  I enjoy working.

Therapy was very good.  I've come such an incredibly long way since my crisis in May.  I'm at the point where I can go to work, and function without crippling anxiety.  I'm excited (and nervous and anxious) about classes starting on Monday.  I'm thrilled that school is starting back up.  The structure will be good for all of us.  I'm excited for Eloise, as she starts Pre-K in September.  I'm excited for the routine that we all get into as the school year goes into full swing.

With all of the nothingness, I'm not terribly tired tonight, but I'll go to sleep like I always do, and have sweet dreams.  Dreams of the future, of love, hope, happiness that I'm sure is out there waiting for me.  Or...maybe I'll just dream about the new to me car that I get to pick up on Saturday ;)